select button: AvP made me want to cry acid tears

Review: Aliens vs. Predator

In my younger days, I used to believe that you could take two awesome things, smash them together, and mix them a bit to make something even more awesome.  This was just a dream of youth and in my adult years I have come to find that this usually doesn’t happen.  In spite of that, companies still feel the need to try it and these days it seems like they’re trying to smash more and more stuff together.  Case in point, Alien vs. Predator.

To the best of my knowledge, this game is not an attempt to adapt the movies of the same name into a game, which is good since I haven’t seen them.  I don’t really feel the need to do that to myself.  What this game feels like is an attempt to take three different games, smash them together, and make one awesome game.  What we get is one game made up of three lackluster components.  The colonial marine segment feels like an underdeveloped first person shooter.  The Predator segment feels like an underdeveloped first person brawler.  And the Alien segment feels like a poorly controlled, underdeveloped first person...um... something or other.  Each of these bits has its own story, none of which are really all that compelling either.

In the colonial marine section, you are an anonymous nobody referred to only as “Rookie.”  As is always the case, your ship takes a dive and you are tasked with trying to find what remaining marines are still alive on the planet so you can all escape.  As the Predator, you are a young warrior on his first outing in an attempt to keep the humans from acquiring technology from your fallen brothers.  Finally, as the Alien, you are specimen 6 who manages to get free from human captivity and makes its way killing whoever it comes upon.

Nothing in this game really serves to redeem it with the exception of Lance Henrikson’s presence, and you can always Netflix DVDs of the TV series “Millennium” for that.  The controls are generic and uninspired, and in the case of the Alien, the controls are a foe in and of itself.  In my various attempts to scale the walls and ceilings to get the drop on the humans, I found myself disoriented and receiving a heaping helping of pulse rifle to the face.

It’s a shame that this didn’t turn out better.  Maybe the currently in discussion plans for a sequel will see a better experience the next time out.  Oh, and I didn’t even bother with the online multiplayer having sold the game back to GameStop while I could get maximum value out of it.

Reviewed on: PlayStation 3